Thursday, September 24, 2015

Folklore Thursday: Things we can blame on Adam and Eve

Today is Folklore Thursday on social media! If you want to find out more, follow this link, or click on the #FolkloreThursday hashtag on Twitter! Hosted by @FolkloreThursday.

Continuing my weekly theme:
Even among the amusing multitude of tales from the Peasant Bible, Adam and Eve stories by far are my favorites. They carry seeds from older beliefs, and fun explanations of how things came to be the way they are. And since Adam and Eve are the archetypal Man and Woman, a lot of these stories have to do with the human body.
Let's take a look:

Boy parts and girl parts
One of my favorite tales from the Peasant Bible deals with genitalia (go figure). The story goes that originally Adam and Eve didn't eat with their mouths; there was an opening on their stomach for putting the food in, and after digesting it they could go down to the stream, turn their stomach inside out, and rinse it (yumm). Eventually they got bored with all the hassle, and wanted to eat and poop like the animals do. God gave them some money each, and sent them to the shop (yes you read that right) to buy some thread and needles, and stitch up the opening.
As it happens, on the way to the shop they passed by a pub (yes you read that right too) and while Adam walked on by, Eve decided she could get something to drink, and buy thread with the rest of her money.
Adam stitched up the opening on his stomach with neat little stitches (masculinity, yo), and he had ample thread left over dangling down between his legs, so he tied a knot on it. Eve, on the other hand, did not have enough thread to sew everything up, and ended up with an opening between her legs that didn't get properly sewn in.
Anyhow, they soon found a fun new use for their equipment, so I guess it all worked out just fine.

Body hair
There are several versions of a story in which people are originally hairless, until God, for whatever reason, decides to give them a way to be hairy. In some versions of this tale, Adam asks for body hair to be more "manly" and earn Eve's respect. Whatever the reason, Adam goes down to the stream as God appointed, takes some water in his cupped hands, and rubs it all over his face, chest, head, armpits, and all other parts. Eve, seeing Adam in all his glorious body hair, wants some for herself as well (or just wants to be as intimidating as he is, depending on who is telling the story) and goes down to the same stream, takes the handful of water... and then a pesky little insect, a mosquito or a bee, decides to sting her right between the legs. She slaps the insect away, and all the water goes between her legs.
Ta-da, eons of suffering with bikini wax.

Body temperature
According to a laconically short note, Adam and Even first boinked on the ice of a frozen lake, which is why women's butts are always cold, and men's knees are always cold.
Test any part of this story at your own risk.
(I want to know the longer story behind this)

(Fun fact: If you type "Adam and Eve" into Google, the first hit is an adult store)

3 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I know right?! XD I imagine an angel runs the shop and he is bored out of his mind because there are only ever 2 customers a day...

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